I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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