Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
