Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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