I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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