Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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