Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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