A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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