I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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