Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
