I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
