he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
