Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize