You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
