wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
