you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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