drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
