I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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