If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
