And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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