"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
