Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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