I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
