Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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