she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
