Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
