Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
