do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
