I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
