Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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