so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
