I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
