when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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