I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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