A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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