I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize