I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
