Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The air was thick with penises
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
