Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
