The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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