Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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