ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
