I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
