If i come over, it means nothing
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
