So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
