i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
