i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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