I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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