Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
