Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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