Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
