I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
