I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
