if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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