Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
