girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
