btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
