I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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