We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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