miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
