I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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