I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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