do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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