She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
