What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
