stop calling my apartment porn island.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
