I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
