Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize