why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
