So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
